- Directed by Alexandre Aja
- Starring Elisabeth Shue, Adam Scott, Jerry O’Connell, Kelly Brook, Ving Rhames, Jessica Szohr, Steven R. McQueen, Christopher Lloyd & Richard Dreyfuss
- Runtime: 89 mins
- Classification: MA15+
CAN you imagine a movie in which people get eaten alive by Piranha fish being funny? Yes, in Piranha 3D there are a lot of laughs, all very tongue in cheek of course. No, this isn’t schadenfreude in the true sense, it’s so ridiculous, it’s funny. Targeted at the under 25-years-old’s this is all about babes with big boobs, a wet T-Shirt contest, a high school break up holiday party and Piranha fish. So which of those will put the bums on seats, depending on your age and taste, it could be all of the above, just one or more of the above, or none of the above.
Directed by Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes, High Tension) and written by Pete Goldfinger and Josh Stolberg. They didn’t have to do much, because the dialogue doesn’t really matter. A lot of ooh’s and ah’s at the babes with big boobs, a mass of shrieking terror, and apart from “get out of the water and do it now” there isn’t a lot more. Remember Jaws (1975), “quick get out of the water”, or a giant Shark will get you. This time it’s Piranha fish will get you, and they do like eating human flesh.
So what is a shoal of Piranha fish doing in a lake in Arizona? Well, as Matt Hopper (Richard Dreyfuss) discovers one day while fishing in the lake. A seismic eruption at the bottom of the lake opens up an ancient lake below the lake where a crop of Piranha fish eggs have remained unhatched for 2,000 years. The carbon dioxide from a bottle of beer that fell off Matt’s boat has hatched the eggs and brought the fish to life. Can you believe this? Later a bottle of champagne does the same. Well, anything’s possible in America, and that’s not the worst of it, there’s more bad news yet to come.
When Matt’s empty boat and the remains of his dead body are discovered in the lake, Sheriff Julie Forester (Elisabeth Shue) calls in seismic experts to investigate. In command is Novak (Adam Scott) who remains on the dive boat as divers investigate the depths. When the divers get eaten sheriff, Julie is mystified. Luckily when she tries to rescue a diver a Piranha fish jumps into their boat. Back at his fishing shop Mr Goodman (Christopher Lloyd) having seen the sample knows all about this 2,000 years-old fish.
Meanwhile, back at the other end of the lake near the town, the high school break up party is in full swing, the babes with big boobs are mustering for the wet T-Shirt contest. Soft porn filmmaker Derrick Jones (Jerry O’Connell) has hired Jake Forester (Steven McQueen), Julie’s son, to be his location director. But Jake has told his mother he will stay home and baby sit his young brother and sister. Bribing them to stay home, Jake gets aboard Derrick’s boat, and guess what, the two kids decide to leave home and go fishing on the lake. Of course they forget to tie up the canoe they went fishing in, it drifts out into the middle of the lake, leaving them stranded on the shore miles from anywhere.
Back at the high school break-up party, Julie and Deputy Sheriff Fallon (Ving Rhames) try to get everybody out of the water, but until a girl on blow up chair is bitten on the bum, and then eaten up by Piranha’s everyone is reluctant to leave the water. As more swimmers are attacked panic breaks out and chaos reins. Back in the middle of the lake Julie is trying to rescue her son Jake and his two siblings from Derrick’s sinking boat. Derrick has been half eaten by Piranhas, a Piranha has eaten his penis and then spat it out. Then Julie gets a phone call from Mr Goodman with some very bad news, suggesting there will be a sequel to Piranha 3D.
